Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Solo

I don't know how women could stand pregnancy before ultrasound.  What a tremendous use of technology-to be able to view your baby in various stages of development.  Even though, at this stage, mine looks like an alien with a ginormous head and a tail.  But it's my alien.  And it's heart is beating at super-speed and I'm shocked that something so small can wreak such havoc in your body.

When the doc started the ultrasound, he did one of those hand over his mouth, "hmmm..." things that makes your heart skip a beat.  "Well, my dear," he said with an amazingly sweet bedside manner, "you've have had what we call a Vanishing Twin."

I knew it.  I was so much sicker this time.  I mean really sick.  The thought of smelling something before I actually did was enough to send me running for porcelain.  I was so fatigued that I was really worried Audrey would have to learn to make herself breakfast and lunch at 18 months.  I got the kids off to school, put Audrey to bed and went back to bed myself.  For weeks.  At first, I blamed the adjustment to altitude.  But I guess there was more...

So, there were two sacks.  The one that was clearly inhabited and the other, just as big, that wasn't.  At some point, the other baby just stopped growing and there must've been a good reason.  At least, that's the way we're looking at it.  It's hard to know how to feel.  I was disappointed and sad at first.  Twins would be so much..."fun", but it just wasn't meant to be.

The doctor said this isn't uncommon.  It happens quite a bit.  And with the invention of ultrasound,  it gets detected.  Years ago, I never would have known.  I'm glad to have seen our solo little healthy baby, thriving and wiggling around.  But I could have done without the other information.  Sometimes I think ignorance is bliss.